Processing Hurt, Crticism, and Success

As a movement we place a high value of processing the things of the heart. It is important to clear the way for the Holy Spirit to move through. Sometimes as leaders we can know that but take time to actually deal with things because other things get in the way. 

The Key: Appreciation & Thankfulness

The key is appreciation and thankfulness in the process of dealing with hurts and pains in relationships.  Appreciation and thankfulness is also the key during those times when things go well. Personally for us this has been key in our healing journey and in the celebration, recognizing that we are really thankful for what the Father has done in and through us. 

Processing Hurts & Criticisms

As a community of Catch The Fire, John & Carol have led the way of understanding the importance of healing of the heart. Here are some keys to processing through hurts and pain and dealing with criticisms:

1. Prayer Ministry:  Praying ministry where you are either doing something yourself with the Father or inviting someone else, is key to unpacking some of the pain and issues. It is one of the primary ways to process the issues. It is about experiencing Him as He shows us who we are and changes our mindset. 

2. The Power of Forgiveness: The lifelong journey of walking in forgiveness. Endeavoring to keep that journey of short accounts is vital. Releasing it to the Lord and allowing the Holy Spirit to wash over us and cleanse us in forgiveness is very important.

3. Human Relational Dynamic: Sometimes in the healing journey, as leaders we prioritize getting heart ministry and healing of the heart. There is another dynamic, the human relational dynamic. Some of my healing journey has been me learning some relational skills.  I’ve had healing of my heart with the Father but I had to learn skills to actually practically work it out. For example, how do I say yes when my first response is no. Maturing in relational skills is allowing Jesus to manifest inside us and to walk in that emotional health that Jesus walked in. Remaining relational- meaning allowing the relationship with the person to be greater than the issue. When we have an issue or problem and we feel hurt by someone, we sometimes feel the issue is the big thing rather than the relationship with the person. It’s good to allow the Holy Spirit to help us to desire relationship with the person and not allow the problem to be bigger, not trying to fix the person or a problem, but putting the relationship above that. The relational connection is the first thing that goes when we feel our buttons being pushed. If I can’t find the appreciation with the person, I can find appreciation with my heavenly dad because I can always be thankful for that relationship.

Are You Triggered?

When there are times we have certain buttons pushed, the father is inviting us as we mature as individuals and leaders, to move out of the place of reacting, exploding, running away, or withdrawing. We are being invited to be able to remain relationally connected even in those relationships that seem more difficult or feel threatening. 

When we start to act unlike ourselves, it's usually because we’ve been triggered by something. When you’re triggered there are few symptoms. Have an inward check to see if you’ve been triggered. 

1. When you are triggered you often won’t make eye contact with them. 

2. You look at the person as a problem to be solved rather than someone you love and want to be connected to. 

3. You are not valuing them as a unique gift from God, that might be an indication that you are being triggered. 

4. When you are not genuinely happy to be with that person. 

5. Another big one is not being able to think creatively or be flexible. If I am reacting to something and stepping out of who God has called me to be. I may need a little bit of work to reconnect and get my relational circuits come.

The good news is when you find yourself triggered, you can access that place of appreciation internally with the Father.  If you can do some appreciation with the person, it can help you to stay focused in a meeting. It’s not about winning but staying in the same place as the Father. 

There are actual brain signs. When you appreciate somebody it opens up chemicals in your brain that allow you to be more relational. Sometimes that appreciation is a skill to be practiced. When you do it deliberately, you will find yourself coming back to a place of security with the Lord.

Returning to Joy | Measuring Maturity

Another key, parallel to RTF and Sozo, is learning how to return to joy.  A way to measure maturity is how long it takes to return to joy from a negative emotion.

Joy is a relational emotional state. Joy comes from God, being with others, and knowing that someone is glad to be with me. My experience of joy is that I know God is happy to be with me no matter what. When I learn that joy I learn to live in peace. Therefore I can rest and I can keep pushing through. 

It is important to get in touch with the emotional part of you without shutting it down. Sometimes we feel like we should be ok, so we tell ourselves we are ok even if we are not ok. So what we need to do is just say I am not ok and I am going to pour out my heart to you Lord- “Did you see what that person did, how could they say that.” It isn’t so much for them as it is for me. Learning how to recover quickly from fear, anger, shame, control, despair, and so on, is so important. 

Building Joy

1. 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes before bed - what do you genuinely feel thankful for. If you practice this you’ll find joy in a whole new level. When you practice this when you are not in a place of stress it’s even better. 

2. Breathing in Abba and breathing out I belong to you. Your meditating on God. Breathing in and breathing out. I love the Abba Prayers even when people are around, I still can do it. I do things like. Abba you're my safe place, you’re my home, Jesus my soul rests in you. 

3. Processing with others. Who do you process with. How do you find a safe place. Hopefully you find people reach out too. 

Psalm 62: 8 - Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.