How to Ask Powerful Questions

The coach approach to pastoral care is focused on empowering people to be personally responsible for their lives and leading them to find their own solutions. When someone has a light bulb moment they will buy into the solution a lot more than if you tell them what to do and what the solution to their problem is. Pastoral burnout is common and many pastors are leaving their leadership positions because of being burdened and overwhelmed. Being skilled at asking Powerful Questions will keep the focus on the person not on your performance. It will help you avoid slipping into false responsibility which leads to burnout.

False responsibility is taking on the success or failure of other people’s lives as your burden to carry. It is believing that their breakthrough is your responsibility to achieve for them. It is becoming Jesus for people. Healthy pastoring is leading people to Jesus, knowing Jesus is their saviour not you. It is walking alongside them exhorting them on along their journey. It is not taking responsibility for them and their destiny. 

Key: How We See People Will Directly Affect How We Speak to Them

In order to best serve our people, we need to see them as whole and resourceful NOT broken and wounded. Take note that this is how our heavenly Father sees us. When we see people as a whole and resourceful we empower them to stand in their identity in Christ and thus call them into the manifestation of that wholeness and identify with them in their wholeness not in their wounding or issue. This approach exhorts them into purpose and helps us not get caught up in their wounding.  Believe the Father has great plan for their lives as it says in Jeremiah 29:11. Facilitate people to find God’s plan, turn their focus forward by enquiring about the future, avoid conversations about the past. There is only power in the present because choices are in the present. The past is powerless because we can not change it. 

Powerful Questions Basics: Coaching Questions VS Counselling Questions

Coaching questions and counselling questions are both valid. We need to discern what is appropriate for the given situation. 

Coaching questions: Look at the present and future. e.g. What can you do today that brings you closer to filling your calling?

Counselling questions: Are investigative and look into the past for what went wrong. e.g. Where in your past did you experience this same pain?

Powerful questions come from powerful listening: Listening from an intuitive place with Holy Spirit. You are listening for the questions that unlock awareness in a person so they are able to make changes and move forward. These intuitive questions often do not address the surface issue. E.g. my PA that wouldn’t send her invoice in. After asking for the invoice multiple times without success I asked a new question. ‘What is the reluctance to paying yourself?’

Types of Powerful Questions: Questions That Result in Deeper Self-Awareness

Ask questions that call them into a deeper place of self-awareness, and present focused, so that they have moments of “aha,” and clarity. From clarity people are empowered to choose a different course of action.

1. What can you learn from this situation?

2. How could you turn this situation around right now around and be happy with the outcome?

3. Where is the area of growth or learning in this situation?

4. What can you learn from this today and put into action tomorrow?

5. What is the value or benefit of your current attitude?

6. What are you gaining by staying the same? What are you losing by staying the same?

7. What would you gain if you were open to a new perspective?

8. What is going on in your heart right now?

9. What was in your heart when you said “..” or did “..”? 

10. If you could identify one thing you do that sabotages your life, what would that be?

11. What do you love to do?

12. What are you holding onto that no longer serves you?

13. If you could let one thing go right now to gain peace, what would that be?

14. Who are you being in this situation?

Questions For Tricky Situations

1. How is that serving you? 

2. What are you doing to cause this problem? 

3. Tell me more about that situation. 

4. What would you say the problem is all about?

5. Are you living in the past, present, or future right now?

Questions That Calm Inflamed Conversations Down/Reframe Them

Re-framing supports the person by helping them see and understand that there is more than one way to look at a given situation. Great tool for when a person is stuck in a mindset that is not helping them.

1. If your best friend was here listening to this conversation, what would they tell you?

2. Is your current perspective helping you or harming you?

3. What is the truth? Or Is that really true?

4. What are you not saying?

5. What is the best outcome here?

6. Can you think of another way of looking at this?

7. What do you think Jesus would say about this situation?

8. What is important to you right now?

9. What can you let go of in order to gain peace? 

10. What is the opportunity here?

11. If you look at this situation from my perspective what do you see?

12. Who do you want to be in this situation?

13. What can you gain from this?

Questions That Result in Creation and Are Future-Focused

This is great for when a person is stuck, bored, or in the wrong job. Creation can also be used when no problem exists at all. For a person whose life is just "fine," steady or consistent, helping them to dream bigger and create big opportunities for their life, can be a wonderful gift.

1. What is the missing ingredient in your life that, if you had that ingredient, things would change for the better? 

2. What do you really want? What do you daydream about?

3. What can you do today that puts you one step closer to your goal/dream/plan?

4. What opportunities exist for you?

5. How would you like life/job/marriage to look?

6. What sort of person do you want to be?

7. What are your options? Which option are you drawn to?

8. What are your choices?

9. Which areas of your development do you feel to concentrate on?

10. How can you align more with your prophetic promises?

11. What is stopping you?

12. What is holding you back?

13. How committed are you to this plan? What do you need to raise your level of commitment?

14. What resources do you need around you to achieve this goal?

15. What needs to happen now?

16. What are you choosing to do about this?

Top Tips When Asking Powerful Questions

Questions lead to more questions, which lead to greater awareness and learning. If you don’t know what to ask next, say “tell me more about that.” Powerful questions unlock a person to think at a deeper level. Be okay with silence and give the person time to process. Resist jumping in with an answer and leave at least 5 seconds before you say anything more. Silence is a wonderful tool. Choose open ended questions that require more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ e.g. Did you have a good week? Vs. What was great about this week?

We Can’t Fix Everyone 100%

It is important to have members on your team that will help you facilitate and empower people. In pastoring, you learn that you cannot fix everyone. You need to release yourself from responsibility that you can’t get 100% results with everyone. For example we had a person from Catch The Fire Raleigh who came to us saying God told them their assignment here is finished.  People will disguise using the most spiritual language, but we can help them get back on focus by asking them powerful questions.  

The other thing is helping people find their calling.  One of the questions to ask people is for them to go over their prophetic words. An important question to ask people to get them thinking about their current situation. “If money was not an obstacle where would you like to get involved?” It’s important to encourage people to validate their prophetic call and giftings. 

If someone is coming to you for an answer, a good question to ask them first is “Have you prayed and asked the Lord for an answer?” It works because they will be honest with you. If they haven't then you can chat with them again. You don’t want to give your best time with people not wanting to help themselves. It can be very draining, feeling like you are the go-to person. I will encourage you to share the load with cell group leaders and ministry leaders, so that they don't depend on you. If you create the expectation that anybody in the leadership is available to pastor and minister, you are empowering people. 

Breakout Room Exercises

Cluster #1: 

When situations don’t go well or we are not pleased with the outcome, it is good to get some cleansing prayer, or healing prayer. It is important to recognize not to take on what God does not want us to take on and leave it with him. 

Each case and each person is different. The questions you ask people depend on the type of person. Sometimes you can send them to another person on your leadership team. You don’t need to be the last person to speak to them.

Coaching and assigning homework helps. They know they need to be accountable. Getting together with people is important, asking them if they are in a home group or cell group. 

Not everyone responds well with point directions on solutions. It could be helpful to ask the Lord what role you are in and what should it be when you are speaking to this person. You don’t need to be Jesus to everyone. 

You can still love and pastor people by affirming, loving, waving, and hugging them. You don’t always have to get into a pastoral session for them to feel belonged or that you love them. 

Cluster #2: 

Sometimes it’s nice to ask a closed ended yes or no question to get them to commit in a direction before asking open ended questions. You need to gage their level of commitment. 

We don’t need to always give them the answers. Usually they have the results already from their community and they just need to unpack them. You are not carrying their burden, but you are only guiding them. It’s about being present for the moment right then and there. You can disengage after you walk away. 

It is important for people to walk away feeling like they can make good decisions on their own and they are not dependent on you. We need to resign as primary caregivers.

We need to catch ourselves when we are at a place where we are wanting something for someone more than they want it for themselves. We need to figure out the why and how to empower them in this. When you figure out the “why” working out the “what” is so much easier. 

If we take a step back as pastors and ask in the beginning ‘what do you want for your life,’ because we look at people from our own filters and what we think people should have. When we empower people to be what they want to be they will turn back and empower what you are dreaming.  

Cluster #3: 

It’s good to ask questions not only related to the past but it is helpful if you ask questions about the future. 

A good question to ask people is “Can you look at this from my perspective?” It is good to help guide people’s perspective. People need to get to grips with why they did what they did. What brought them to that place. It’s trying to figure out whether we dig for more or do we let it go.

In communicating with people, reflect back to the person what they are saying. It makes them face what they were actually saying. 

An example scenario: A man came up and wanted to release a prophetic word about financial release to the congregation. He feels he needs to take the lead because it’s going to start with him. He’s not been doing well financially, but believes it's God because he hears a “whoaaa” after saying it. Good questions to ask him are: “Have you talked to God about why it always has to begin with you?” “What does that look like for you then?” “You can’t always trust what your thinking.”

Here is a second scenario: When someone ones to leave the church for a silly reason. Ask them when they first realized this was an issue. Tell them how valued they are and ask empowering questions.